The Big Blue Monster

I have tried and tried to be positive the last few weeks, but I can't do it any more. The blue monster has taken control once again. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. The meds aren't helping any. I actually think they might be making it worse. I've been on this dose for over seven weeks and should have noticed a difference. I don't notice any difference though. I don't want to sound like a woe is me person right now because I know there are others out there that have more difficult things to struggle with. I will paint on the smile and go on even though I don't feel like I can. How do others live with this illness?